These were a few particular sentences that particularly struck a chord with me.
I can relate to Peter's situation, growing up in America with two parents from a foreign country. My parents grew up in Indonesia, and came to America when they were young to study in college. I was born in California, but went to live for a year in Jakarta, Indonesia when I was a couple years old. But the only things I remember are being excited because I thought I could see fish swimming in my room when our house flooded, and sliding down the winding staircase railing in my grandparents' house. We came back when the year was up, and I've lived here ever since. Like the Balakians we don't talk about Indonesia or go to Indonesian gatherings (though we do eat a lot of Indonesian food). And except for the basics--I'm hungry, I'm tired, Hello, thank you--I don't speak Bahasa (the national language of Indonesia), even though my parents are fluent. Like Mr. and Mrs. Balakian they converse in Bahasa when they don't want people to understand them. My family eats "American" food and does "American" things, but when people ask, I answer that I am from Indonesia. Or maybe I don't want to give a straight answer and I'll say "I'm from America." But then they will ask "No, I mean, where are you really from?" And I will get upset, because to them, I am not really American. Sometimes I feel like I am in a game of tug-of-war, America vs. Indonesia, and I am the rope. I wonder, as Peter says, "Weren't we Americans?" (52) To answer his question, if you want to be technical, the only real Americans are the Native Americans. But the stereotypical 1950s (when Peter is growing up) American housewife is Caucasian. But America is supposed to be all about "land of the free, home of the brave". So I figure that as long as you are free and brave and live in the USA, aren't you American?
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When I saw your comment, it made me wonder about my own life. I was born in Taiwan and stayed there for almost half my life. My family is incredibly traditional compared to other Chinese families around us. We eat traditional dishes, celebrate traditional holidays to some extent, retain our respect for elders, and even speak Chinese at home. At home there is no doubt that my family is definitely not American but a traditional Chinese family. We often visit Taiwan over the summer every year. Although all these aspects make it seem like I'm definitely not American but Chinese, the truth is more complicated than that. I speak English, and it's even better than my Chinese. My life can almost be split in half; during the day at school I'm American, but at home I'm Chinese. What exactly does it mean to be American you asked. Is it if we are free and brave and live in America like you said, or is there something more to that? I searched for an answer to this for years, but I always come up blank. When in America people ask me who I am, I say I'm Chinese. When my mother asks me who I am, I say I'm American. When my friends in Taiwan ask me who I am, I say I live in America, but I don't say I'm American. I always wonder why I give so many different types of answers. I speak Chinese, and I come from a traditional Chinese family. Isn't that enough to categorize me as Chinese? However I have learned that simply practicing some similar traditions doesn't make me Chinese at all. People in America often times agree that I'm Chinese, but when in Taiwan I'm not considered Chinese at all but American. This completely baffled me when I first understood this. Before that time my identity hasn't really occurred to me. When I realized that most of my classmates seem to know who they are, I didn't. Was I American or was I Chinese? I thought about this constantly, but I didn't know. Many people classified me differently, and I didn't know which was right. Like you said it's like a game of tug-of-war, only it's Chinese vs. Americans. Every single conclusion I made was I was neither of them. I wasn't Chinese nor was I American. Even if I speak Chinese, it wasn't enough to say I'm Chinese. Even if I live here, it doesn't allow me to say I'm American. I don't fit anywhere, and it completely irritates me that I'm really the crack between American and Chinese. Every time I lean to one side another piece of information hits me, and then I realize that's not right and would change back to being exactly where I started. So you say that as long as you are free and brave and live in the USA you are American. I disagree with that a bit, there's more to that. I think I'm free and brave and I definitely live in the US, but I don't completely think I'm American. So what exactly is it that classifies human beings into different groups? Why is it that my Chinese side is what keeps me from being American, and my American side is what keeps me from being Chinese? Are the two not capable of coexisting with one another? In my mind a clash is inevitable. Each side of me will acknowledge each other but never fully accept one another.
ReplyDeleteTo Nadine:
ReplyDeleteThis isn't my comment for the week's assignment, but I just wanted to say that it's nice knowing that other people my age are experiencing the same types of things as I am and can identify with my situation. It's definitely a comfort knowing you're not alone. This part of your response really hit me: "When in America people ask me who I am, I say I'm Chinese. When my mother asks me who I am, I say I'm American. When my friends in Taiwan ask me who I am, I say I live in America, but I don't say I'm American. I always wonder why I give so many different types of answers." I find myself doing that often. I think it may be because when I am with other people, I start seeing things from their eyes, to some extent. And giving all those different responses keeps them from asking more awkward questions and me from having to explain myself over and over again.
Jasmine:
ReplyDeleteThis isn't my comment for this week either, but thanks for replying. I completely agree with you and knowing someone else is like me is a big comfort. I think you're right; often times when I'm with a certain group of people I find myself adjusting to fit into that group. With their mindset I answer according to what they would've expected. Just like you said, it's often to avoid questions which lead to complicated answers. I think that I did this switching perspective notion so many times that now I find myself to be one confused teenager.
Jasmine and Nadine:
ReplyDeleteI can definitely identify with both of your situations. Jasmine, just like you I get asked all the time where I am "really" from. It can be rather irritating, especially when the people don't even introduce themselves, or greet me first, or say anything that could politely lead into their question. They just come right out of the blue and ask. I always end up saying that I'm from Czech Republic, and the person then usually follows up their question with "So that means you are..." and I have to explain that I'm Czech. But when I think about it, am I really? I automatically say that I am Czech because that's where I was born. But the truth is, so much of me is American. I moved to California when I was one year old, so I have practically spent my whole life in America. Just like you, Nadine, I can definitely express myself better in English than I can in Czech. My way of thinking and the way that I act and behave are also much more American than Czech. Even my parents think that I am completely Americanized. As an individual, I feel American, but my family is undoubtedly Czech. We speak Czech at home, and my parents still uphold many Czech ideals and traditions. So where does that leave me? And when you think about it, is it really necessary to answer this question? I feel that as human beings, we have this tendency to constantly put labels on things. And that includes us. Why must we be strictly American or Czech or Chinese or Indonesian? It's not like a single nationality or culture defines who we are. Yes, being Czech is a big part of who I am, but it isn't the only part. Being American is just as important to me. So why should we be forced to choose only one? Being part of two cultures shouldn't be something that limits us or leaves us confused. In fact, it is something that gives us a broader outlook on the world and enables us to see things from more than one perspective. Hopefully we can come to see this as a gift rather than a burden.